


She’ll Miss Me, Really

by hyunjily



Category: K-pop, TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Idk what to tag this with, Light Angst, Past Character Death, also i didn’t proofread..., i wrote this at 3am, this is so messy i’m sorry i’ll do better next time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25729144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunjily/pseuds/hyunjily
Summary: Momo sleepwalks because she doesn't love Jihyo anymore (or maybe she's forgotten how to).
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	She’ll Miss Me, Really

The smell of burning vanilla is what wakes her first, but it isn't Jihyo's main focus. Her eyes are subtly burning, small tears dripping down her face but not getting too far, nestling themselves on the lip of her under eye like someone told them they belong there.

She looks to the bedside table and finds the vanilla bean candle she's been burning for two days straight. It's Momo's favorite.

The bed is cold on the left side and she frowns when her roaming hands don't find the comforting form of her lover. Jihyo reaches further, irrationally believing that maybe she has just moved to the very edge of their queen sized bed. But baby blue sheets never felt so blue, and Momo hasn't been there for hours.

'I don't remember waking up.'

•••

"What keeps you up at night?" 

Momo seems to think for a second before her eyes light up, not in glee, just to indicate that she's come up with something.

"Sometimes I look over at you in the dark and worry you aren't a real person."

She's holding Jihyo's hand on top of hers and they are atop her stomach, slowly rising and falling with her breath. She looks over at her, soft eyes searching for her reply, maybe her validation.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't laugh, okay?"

She has the urge to laugh already.

"It's like... You take on a different form in the dark. I forget what you look like, I forget what your breathing sounds like and I just want to turn on the lights." A pause. "Do you get it?"

"No." Momo was never good with words anyways.

•••

Jihyo spends the whole weekend replaying Momo's last voicemail before the accident. It's short and she wishes she had more to say that night.

"Hey baby, I'm almost home. Save some dinner for me? I love you so much. See you soon."

"Hey baby, I'm almost home. Save some dinner for me? I love you so much. See you soon." 

Small tear after small tear leave her eye, creating a minuscule river down her cheek. It's reminiscent of the creek she almost drowned in when she was a kid. Perhaps she could drown in this too.

"I love you so much. See you soon."

"I love you so much. See you soon."

"See you soon."

"See you soon."

Jihyo screams at the wall until her lungs hurt. She doesn't think that Momo even hears her.

•••

"Alright, bye." Jihyo picks up her purse, blowing a quick kiss in Momo's general direction.

"Hey! Wait."

She hesitantly does as she's told as Momo rushes in from the kitchen. She can smell cream noodles and her stomach grumbles though she doesn't believe that she's hungry.

Momo gives her a small kiss, just enough to say she matters. She rests her forehead on hers, breathing her in. "You do not take goodbyes very well."

"Then don't say goodbye." Her arms wrap around Jihyo's middle, keeping her close even though soon they'll be far apart. It seems like she's counting the seconds before she inevitably pulls away from her in order to catch her flight. 3...2...1...

"Just say you'll see me soon?" 

Her voice is so desperate, so hopeful, that even if she didn't want to, Jihyo would have to agree. 

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

"See you soon."

•••

Momo's eyes open suddenly one night as she is studying every curve, every crevice, every heart wrenching change in her face. It startles her backwards and she nearly falls out of bed. She grabs onto the sheet to keep herself grounded. Her body settles slowly.

She lays there in wait for the punchline, the inevitable movement in Momo's limbs as she climbs out of bed, away from her. Wandering around the house at three in the morning.

But she doesn't move. 

She never quite looks into her eyes either, even when Jihyo moves her head up and down, up and down, desperate to get that connection. 

"My eyes are up here..." It's a joke and Jihyo laughs wholeheartedly at it. Momo doesn't flinch. She turns away from her waiting pupils. She can keep waiting.

•••

"My favorite part of you?"

"Yeah." She asks this of her so often and Momo always has the same answer: "Everything."

"And don't say everything!" Jihyo punches her shoulder playfully and she rolls her eyes. 

"Okay, okay. Um... Maybe your smile?"

"Maybe?" 

"Maybe. I can't decide." She didn't have to answer at all so Jihyo's grateful anyways even if she did only get a 'maybe'.

"No, wait. I have an actual answer." 

Jihyo turns to look at her, taking in her face. What's her favorite thing about her? And then she understand why Momo always says everything.

"Your eyes. They're beautiful. I see the universe. I swear stars fall out of your eyes and down your cheeks every time you blink." 

Jihyo can't help the bright smile that decorates her face then. "Yeah? Staring contest!"

Momo doesn't look away until she does. And even then, she notices her stealing glances over and over.

•••

She stares at Momo in the dark, willing her eyes to open again. Momo's eyelashes are wet but she doesn't remember seeing her cry. She has an urge to wipe them away yet it fades when she remembers that she doesn't like to be touched anymore. Jihyo turns around, staring at the blank wall, counting her breaths.

She feels Momo get up after four hundred and twelve inhales and exhales but instead of looking over she squeezes her eyes shut and keeps counting. She hears the 'pat pat pat' of Momo's feet as she makes circles in their bedroom. Jihyo falls asleep after almost nine hundred breaths have elapsed.

•••

"Did you have another nightmare?"

Jihyo nods, curling into herself, breathing hard while her head spins.

"Come here."

Momo holds her for the rest of the night into the morning. They listen to the birds when they come out.

•••

Jeongyeon accompanies her to a mattress store.

Jihyo looks around numbly, not really reading the prices or the descriptions. It's just row after row of beds, they're all the same and it doesn't matter anyways.

"I need my own bed." She hisses when Jeongyeon questions their motives, looking concerned.

"I know it's been hard since the accident but—"

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" The blood rushes to her head, dizzying her and she wishes she could rest on one of these makeshift beds, far away from the zombie she has to go home to.

Jeongyeon walks out of the store without her.

Jihyo doesn't end up buying a new bed. She wouldn't be able to sleep in it anyways.

•••

"Move in with me." It's a sudden request but Jihyo's been waiting for it for weeks.

"You really mean it?" 

Momo's lips upturn and her eyes sparkle.

She takes that as a yes.

•••

She sleeps on the living room couch that night, tossing and turning for hours, listening to the pat, pat, pat until it suddenly stops.

Jihyo toys with the idea that Momo could be a figment of her imagination. It's only two minutes into the fantasy that the pat, pat, pat starts up again.

It's funny, because she'd miss her really.

•••

"Are you ever bored of me?" 

It's odd that she would ask this but Jihyo obliges and answers nonetheless. 

"Sometimes I think I am. But then you smile, or you say one of those witty things that I cannot understand and I remember why I fell in love with you." Jihyo blushes after blurting out her feelings. 

Momo hums, mentally digesting what she's just said.

"Life gets boring, but you never do. I'd be a hollow mess without you."

"You're just saying that. I lied! I think you're a bore."

She smiles softly. "You'd miss me, really."

•••

Momo asks her one night if she wants her to leave. It's barely a whisper and she almost misses it.

She almost asks her to repeat it, though she knows she won't. It's the first she's heard from her since she came home after the accident. 

"If I'm being honest," Jihyo takes a deep breath, gathering every last thought because this may be the last time they ever speak.

"Yes. I do. You sleepwalk every night, always waking me up and I'm too scared to bring you back to bed because one time I did and you wouldn't blink for three days." The memory feels fuzzy but she's sure it happened.

"And—and you never eat! I left you food every day for a week and all you did was look at it. I spent money on it!" She remembers the untouched bowls of soup well but not fondly.

"You don't notice that I exist anymore. You used to look at me like I was the only thing in the room and now it's like you look right through me."

"Sometimes... Sometimes I'm scared you aren't real."

It's dark and her face suddenly looks disfigured, the shadows having their way with it and her breathing sounds unnatural. "I know what you mean now! I know what it's like to forget what you look like, to forget how you sound so won't you please come back to me?"

There's no answer and she switches on the light hastily. Momo's gone. She wasn't there to begin with, she assumes.

But it isn't a surprise to her. The house smells like Momo but Jihyo knows she doesn't live here anymore. Sometimes she can feel her hand in hers but she knows she hasn't touched her in months.

She wants to say goodbye but there's nobody left.

'She'll miss me, really.'

So she turns off the light.


End file.
